Tweets - Notes to Self

[Kellemora]

We called them nuns, only because we assumed they got none.
Seems this was not a verifiable fact, hi hi.

[yogi]

@just-shower-thoughts

Nobody gave us the source code for how our bodies work so we’ve basically spent centuries reverse engineering ourselves

[yogi]

onekade @onekade

Just saw a young white woman post a video of herself licking a surface in an airplane bathroom with the hashtag “corona challenge” and felt my anxiety spike about 1m anxieties

[Kellemora]

There are a lot of sicko's out there!
Heck, just stop by Walmart and you'll find hundreds of them, hi hi.

[yogi]

David Marcus @BlueBoxDave

A Rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar...

Then they got arrested.

[yogi]

Scott Adams @ScottAdamsSays

It’s getting harder to distinguish freedom-lovers from sociopaths.

[yogi]

The Daily Shroom @TheDailyShroom

"Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth."

-Alan Watts

[yogi]

Howard Mittelmark @HMittelmark

Reasons to buy the cow when you can get the milk for free

Investment
Steak
Novelty
Cow matches decor
Swore would someday own cow
Just like cows
Conversation starter
No appropriate container for milk other than cow
Status symbol
Mistake, thought it was dog
Independent thinker

[yogi]

Tater @TrueTorontoGirl

Imagine if you could plant nipples in the ground and grow boobs.

[yogi]

The Late Innings
@thelateinnings
god: did you bring the ten commandments to the people

moses: yes

god: are they behaving now

moses: no

god: did you send a follow-up email

[yogi]

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump

Do you get the impression that the Supreme Court doesn’t like me?

[Kellemora]

Ha Ha!

[yogi]

Token Geezer @Token_Geezer

I just found some coins. Does anyone remember how to work them?

[Kellemora]

Sure Do!
You drop one in the slot, then wait for the beep, and pull the handle on the right.
If you are lucky, you will get more coins to keep repeating the process until you run out of them!

[yogi]

Sooz @CruisinSoozan
15 Jul 2019
I’m not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it’s not twenty seven.

[Kellemora]

Don't forget to break them in half, or in four pieces before you eat them.
It causes Calorie Leakage!
Oh, and I can prove it works too!

[yogi]

DPRK News Service
@DPRK_News
New Hampshire province, site of next Donald Trump rally, is famed for its production of fishes, quarried stone, and sweaty, neck-bearded libertarian crypto-racists.

[Kellemora]

Ha ha!

[yogi]

Louise Mensch
@LouiseMensch

I think it’s time we had antisocial media. A network aimed at curmudgeons. Perhaps I will call it “TskTsk”. Who wants to fund me?

[yogi]

Pinky Swear @mack44_d

Sarcasm is like chocolate...

...technically you can live without it - but why?