Mom's birthday...

[brandtrn]

Remembering a birthday today. Yes, my mom is gone from this earth and has been, for many years. I've actually lived longer *without* her than I ever did with her in my life, and I'm now a good 11 years older than she ever lived to be. And no, I'm not going to be silly and sappy and wish her a "happy birthday" in an online post which I know she'll never read, but if there really *is* an "afterlife," I can't help but hope that somehow, she knows that I'm thinking about her and missing her and yes, even shedding a few tears because there's so much in this life that she's missed and so much I wish that I could share with her. It's hard for me to believe that if she were alive, she'd be 73 today...she'll always be "forever young" to me.

[yogi]

When you get to be 71, as happened to me recently, you think about these things more seriously than when the future extended beyond the the horizon. It's sobering to look inward and contemplate what this life is all about. Is there a purpose? Is it worth the effort? And, what actually happens when the body loses it's life? As you can imagine there are many answers to my questions and many more questions that I don't want to ask. But, after these seven decades of dealing with the physical world, I'm certain there is a non-physical aspect to our being. It's commonly called soul, or spirit.

Even the most die hard atheist and realist knows about the human spirit. It's what you feel about a person when you are with them, or what emotions arise out of the memories you have of them. It's roughly equivalent to the team spirit you experience at a sporting event. It's more than enthusiasm. The spirit has a life of it's own albeit not readily demonstrable in a lab experiment. I can assure you that as long as you have memories of your mom, her spirit exists. The same feelings you experienced when her body was near are present in her spirit. You now regret all those things that did not happen, but does that make sense? There are so many things that did happen and you can feel to this day. Your mom's spirit is those good things, not in the regrets. Celebrate your mom's spirit, don't lament it. She is not really gone as long as your memories of her exist. (And yes, I think those memories do have a place of their own in the universe, but that's a subject for quite a different discussion)

[Icey]

I think Yogi's post sums it all up beautifully Cindy. Your mum's with you in your mind, and also spirit, I believe. At the moment, I'm trying to balance that up with the horrible thoughts that come with my sister-in-law being desperately ill. She was close to passing away yesterday, but she's now in intensive care after having dialysis and her lungs drained, and amazingly showed some improvement today. This's a woman here who's mere in her early 50's, so we must celebrate the life we have, and remember the good times with those who've departed before us. It's always terrible to lose those we love, but we tend to feel more despondent when we're facing problems in our own lives, and birthdays bring out the worst of those feelings.

Your mother's with you in your heart and mind, and as Yogi says, try and celebrate the good things you had together. While you think of her, she'll always be with you. x

[pilvikki]

you know, in English there's that strange way of avoiding the word 'die', so people will say they've 'lost' a pet of a parent or a friend. and yet, as dennis and icey so eloquently put, they're not lost at all. true, one cannot go out and find them, but they're still with us and always will be.

and yes, I know just how you feel. it sucks.

Namaste.

[Icey]

Poignant picture.

[brandtrn]

Thanks for all the kind words, folks. And yes, I'd probably "celebrate" my Mom's memory, if I felt that there was much to celebrate. Any good memories I had were kind of wiped out when she blew her own lovely head off with my brother's gun. Along with the love, believe it or not, after almost 30 years, there's still an awful lot of freaking anger towards her at the way she wasted what remained of her life. She has FIVE grandchildren who've never met her, along with two beautiful great-grandchildren. What a permanent solution she chose to deal with her problems! Heaven knows, she tried to off herself (and was hospitalized as a result of several said attempts) many times before she was finally "successful," and I remain angry as Hell that she didn't get the help she needed when she needed it. Ah, yes, life and its unresolved "issues." I suppose it's a good thing that I rarely reflect upon this but once or twice a year, or I'd probably end up as chronically depressed as she was...so, I'll file it away, once again, into the back of my mind (which I'm usually capable of doing quite well, as a matter of fact), until the next "anniversary" of sorts rolls around.

[tomsk]

My Mum's 82....
It's going to be hard without her being around..
And Dad too,
He's 84...still both going strong but...
we all get old..

[brandtrn]

Yeah, we all DO get old. Too bad my mom didn't. She was only 43 when she passed.

[Icey]

Well I lost the post I was trying to make earlier, but this evening, we also lost my sister-in-law. Such sad times, and yet, your mum's genes run through her children, grandchildren and g-grandchildren Cindy, so she lives on through them.

Her demise at such a young age was tragic indeed, but tortured minds can't see beyond today. She's at peace now, and so must you be. It was nobody's fault, but makes us realise how fragile we are, and how we need to love and support each other. x

[brandtrn]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Icey :-(

[pilvikki]

well, depression is such a sordid illness... my father was seen by psychiatrists at mother's insistence, he went into a hospital from the war, but nothing worked. he was only 48.

I was angry for a long time. I was angry at mother for a long time, too. I thought I could have done something.... the whole routine... but in the end it is what it is.

sorry about sil, icey...

[Icey]

Thank you ladies. We're giving as much support to my brother and the children as possible, but life goes on. I'm not too sad atm because I'm trying to hold up everyone else and discussing the practicalities which now have to be dealt with, but it's still a horrible situation when it's so close to home and the fact that my SiL was only in her 40's.

Depression is, indeed a vile illness. It's not just a case of feeling low for a bit, and can happen to anyone. When it gets so bad that the sufferer can't see beyond what's in their tortured souls, they just want to be out of that situation and probably can't think of the effects it'll have on those left.

My SiL was a doctor as well, and hid her depression from colleagues, patients and family. I don't suppose this helped, because keeping things inside can well up and manifest in this sort of tragic situation.

I really am sorry about your mum Cindy, and your father, Vikki. There but for the grace, and all that. I hope we never have to feel so wretched, and hope that you can overcome your sadness and one day look back on the GOOD things which came from these individuals. x