An open letter to the ex's new bride...

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brandtrn
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Joined: 27 Feb 2015, 16:27

An open letter to the ex's new bride...

Post by brandtrn »

Dear Lisa (not her real name):

I have just heard the news that you're about to become Don's fifth wife. Congratulations to both of you! I hope that your upcoming marriage is everything you could hope for, and more. But please, pardon me if I butt in for a moment. It appears that you're already beginning to alienate my children, soon to be YOUR stepdaughters. I hate to see your relationship off to such a bad start. My oldest is already considering writing her Dad out of her life because of your behavior and his willingness to tolerate it. If your objective is to have Don all to yourself, you're off to a rip-roaring good start. If, however, you're hoping to eventually become part of the "family," would you take some well-intentioned advice??

First, while I understand that you're excited, with wedding plans on the horizon, our children live on opposite ends of the continent. They don't get home all that often, and when they do, they DO appreciate having just a teensy bit of Dad's attention. Since they're here so rarely, you really DON'T need to compete with them. They're here for a few days, three or four times a year. Surely, you can allow him to pay some attention to them, after the expense and effort which they've invested in traveling home to be with family? Honestly, your butting into every single conversation my girls try to have with their Dad, and turning the subject around so that everything is all about YOU, isn't really winning you any friends among your future stepchildren.

Further, your continual sexual innuendoes, given in front of my girls, about how Don might "get lucky" on any given night, are ridiculous. I mean, really...WHAT is your point in doing so? My girls are NOT idiots. Megan lives with a long-term partner, and Melanie is married, with children. They KNOW about sex, okay? They also are intelligent girls, so it's obvious to them (and to everyone else) that since you packed up your life and moved across country to live with your online boyfriend, that there's definitely a bit of sex going on between the two of you. Good for you! But...would YOU want to know every single time your Mom or Dad are getting fucked?? Most of us, while we KNOW that our parents must have had sex at one point or another, allowing us to be born, aren't really all that interested in knowing all the horny details. I understand that you're enjoying your sex life with Don. He was ALWAYS quite decent in the bedroom, although he was a piss-poor excuse for a husband otherwise. Nevertheless, if you are AT ALL interested in making friends with your soon-to-be stepchildren, class up your act just a bit and keep the sex talk to a minimum in front of them, OK? They KNOW Dad is fucking you, so trust me, it's REALLY not necessary for you to be all in their faces over it!

Finally, since they ARE here so rarely, is it completely impossible for you to allow them to have any kind of "alone" time with their Dad? I understand that you want to build relationships with them and to become part of the family, and it'll happen, eventually, with a little time and just a bit of consideration on your part. As I said previously, both of my girls invest a lot of time, effort and money into traveling home. They do so with the objective of seeing their loved ones. You are NOT yet among said loved ones. Constantly competing with my girls for Dad's attention is NOT earning you any friends and is, in fact, earning you rather quickly the enmity of my oldest daughter! Allowing Don to go off, for example, to have a father-daughter lunch once or twice during their visits home isn't REALLY all that much to ask, is it? And, on the occasions when you're all together, is it SO much to ask to NOT insist upon being the center of attention at all times? Why NOT ask my girls, from time to time, about THEIR thoughts and THEIR lives? You might actually find that they are interesting people, and that their friendship is WORTH having! Such small things would actually require very little effort on your part. After all, you'll have him almost completely to yourself for the majority of the year, anyway.

It's your choice, lady. My girls are good girls. Make friends with them, and Don will be happy. Gain their affection, and you'll have loyal friends who'll walk through fire for you, if need be. Alienate them, as you seem to have been doing relentlessly ever since you walked into their lives, and I wouldn't bet ten cents upon the success of THIS marriage, either! And, before you write my comments off as those of just another "jealous" ex-wife, I want you to know that I've been quite happily married to MY current husband for almost the past 20 years -- far longer than ANY of Don's previous marriages have EVER lasted! Good luck...
Last edited by brandtrn on 21 Jan 2017, 06:10, edited 1 time in total.
"The miracle is this: the more we share, the more we have." -- Leonard Nimoy (1931-2015)
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yogi
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Joined: 14 Feb 2015, 21:49

Re: An open letter to the ex's new bride...

Post by yogi »

Well said Cindy, but I seriously doubt the other woman knows anything about this website and will not be reading your letter here. Well, maybe she will read it elsewhere, but our traffic is down a bit these days. My point, however, is that your comments and observations are worth reading and well taken. If nothing else comes of it, I truly hope that some of the stress and tension this woman has been causing is mitigated by your putting it all down on paper (or pixels in this case). Admittedly I know next to nothing about the circumstances, but I can make an educated guess and predict that #5 will not be the closest mom your girls have ever had. It's a shame because it is so simple to remedy.
brandtrn
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Posts: 159
Joined: 27 Feb 2015, 16:27

Re: An open letter to the ex's new bride...

Post by brandtrn »

I'm not posting it on Facebook or anywhere else but here, so it's a given that the woman will NEVER see it. Just blowing off steam after a conversation I had with Megan. Not going to bring it up with Don, either. He's making his bed, and will have to sleep in it.
"The miracle is this: the more we share, the more we have." -- Leonard Nimoy (1931-2015)
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yogi
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Joined: 14 Feb 2015, 21:49

Re: An open letter to the ex's new bride...

Post by yogi »

I'm not sure how to properly respond. Thanking you for sharing this moment in your experiences doesn't seem quite right. Yet, that is the purpose of our blogs. We are indexed by a few of the major search engines so that it is theoretically possible this post will appear on somebody's list with the right keywords entered. I'm certain Megan and Melanie are mature enough to see this woman for who she is. No love will be lost there. I also think the girls know who their father is. Sometimes it's best to just bite the bullet and move on.
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pilvikki
Posts: 2999
Joined: 16 Feb 2015, 21:35

Re: An open letter to the ex's new bride...

Post by pilvikki »

well, I appears don's not grown up yet, so it'll be yet another lost cause. and he's not gaining a damned thing by not standing up to his own kids. dur. pathetic. :rolleyes:
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